That's probably a question thousand of people go to sleep asking themselves. Luckily for us, we only had to look through a few recent interviews to see what the lady herself had to say...
"Calling yourself 12 and wearing a boa is one part of who I am. Then there's the writing of certain songs that I do feel could enhance people spiritually and there is real talk, real words from me about people in my life that I am trying to say something positive to." - Observer Music Monthly.
Er, what?
"I'm Mary Poppins; I'm the embodiment of a buttoned-up girl. Even as a teenager, I was wary of being side-tracked by romance because my ambition and drive to break into the music business always came first." - OK Magazine.
So Mariah Carey is a 12-year-old, boa-wearing Mary Poppins?
"Clearly, I am somewhat of a conundrum." - Observer Music Monthly.
You can say that again love. Is that going to be your new look?
"If you're a solo woman and you want to be taken seriously without playing a guitar or sitting behind a piano you have to dress obscurely or differently and not too sexy." - Observer Music Monthly
Well, a 12-year old, boa-wearing Mary Poppins would certainly check the "obscure" and "not too sexy" boxes. Anyway moving on... You look like you've been working out a bit.
"I've toned my arms and tightened my abs but I still have a butt. I don't mind that. That's me and I'm proud of it. I'm now focused on getting fit rather than getting any leaner." - OK Magazine
"For me, it's not about a number on a scale. It's not about necessarily even a size. It's about feeling good and being comfortable in your own skin. Right now, I feel really great. I feel better than I've ever felt." - Oprah
That's nice. For you and the the new hubby. But still no plans to extend the Carey dynasty?
"It's hard to have kids in this world. I don't think I could properly educate a child right now. Maybe in the future, but I actually haven't thought about it. For now, I enjoy my dog Jack's company." - OK Magazine
On the subject of animals, let's talk pigs. Did you really say that you'd rather be on stage with a pig than sing a duet with Jennifer Lopez?
"What was written was wholly untrue and hurtful. I try hard to let go of the resentment stuff like this causes, but it isn't easy." - OK Magazine
Stuff like that – and, er, this "interview" – kind of go with the territory though.
"Honestly, every time you walk out of the door it's a YouTube moment, it's a blog moment, a whatever website moment." - OK Magazine.
Yeah, sorry about that.
"When you appear in public it instantly travels the world... The self-promoting situation in the world now has reached the next level - it's people's relationships, it's porn videos - and I have to find whatever ways to compete with that." - OK Magazine
You could always just leave it to Leona Lewis. Isn't she the new Mariah Carey?
"I only heard her once and I didn't really see a true similarity, particularly in the style of music... I don't have anything to be concerned about because there is no new me. I am me until the day I die." - OK Magazine
You are indeed. And if we've got it right, that's a 12-year-old, boa-wearing, porn-competing, dog-preferring, Mary Poppins. Which wasn't quite the answer we expected...
