Tantric sex: what's in it for you?

Spiritual sex... isn't it just a bit weird?

You don't have to be high on drugs to find Eastern philosophy a turn on. The practice originates from the ancient quest for enlightenment - you just get there via sexual bliss-out rather than Class A's. Feeling sexy yet? No. Possibly not. But stick around - it's no weirder than yoga...

Am I going to feel stupid doing this?

Here's a thing: you don't actually have to tell anyone. Do a bit of reading, look at some pictures, try a few techniques on him under cover of darkness - and see what happens. You can even experiment on yourself when he's not looking… And you don't have to go the whole spiritual hog to feel the tantric benefits. Just take the bits that appeal and start there.

What's in it for me?

For maximum ecstasy, stealth tantra is not the way forward - it's supposed to be a shared experience. But if he seems to be enjoying your newfound skills, the dice are loaded in your favour. Then you can share the pictures and perhaps drop in the fact that tantric sex can keep him hard for hours... It's worth investing in Tantra: The Art of Mind-blowing Sex by Val Sampson. It's a good starting point, or The Beginner's Guide to Tantric Sexuality DVD, by Leora Lightwoman. And of course there's always the Kamasutra...

Be happy in your skin

Easier said than done, but a large part of the tantric philosophy says that you are the most gorgeous, sexual, beautiful creature that ever stepped out of her knickers. And the other part is the bit where you believe it.

So will I feel stupid?

There's nothing stupid about liking yourself. But having sex feeling embarrassed or self-critical isn't too clever. That's like putting on a gorgeous pair of killer heels and then getting worried about being too tall...

What do I get out of it?

If appearances were all that mattered, we wouldn't do half the things we do in bed! Sex is about feeling. Being body confident and inhibition free means that you can be more honest, playful, happier and - in tantric thinking - more complete. Getting familiar with your bod and actually liking it is a learning experience. Feeling brave? Try an introductory tantric workshop. Diamond Light Tantra (www.diamondlighttantra.com) offer one-off evening sessions. You don't need a partner and you won't be getting naked or joining an orgy. The focus is on you and your relationship with your body. Who knows, it could be the start of something beautiful.

More bang for your buck

The various tantric techniques and positions are intended to keep you both on slow boil, simmering sexily together. Ultimately, you may find yourself coming. A lot. But actually, it's the connection that happens along the way that counts.

So will I feel stupid?

Not with the right bloke. Tantra is a mind-body thing. Sex with the guy you've just met down the pub is more likely to be body-body, however much he made you laugh before you dragged him home. Do it with someone you love, keep an open mind and a sense of humour and stupid probably won't be what you feel...

What's in it for me?

Ever noticed what happens if your lover looks you right in the eye as he slowly pushes inside? Tends to up the intensity a few notches. That's the difference a connection makes.
So, what now? Well, why not just play? With each other. Read the books, look at the pictures, watch the films and find out whether it's tantric hype or the future of your sex life...